Thursday, July 17, 2008

Childless Dating


NOT ME. Sounds cruel but true. And I hate to be like that but I don't have children of my own. I want someone who is bringing the same thing that I am and that is no kids. And honestly its getting harder to find men who don't have kids. I hate asking that question do you have any children because 9 times out of 10 the answer will be YES. And I don't want to come flat out and say okay well talk to you later. lol. Now I can understand if you were married and are now divorced and have a child or children. That's understandable. But there are a lot of young men out here who have children and some times by not just one but two or three other females. I'm not judging them or their behavior but what's the problem. Why lay up with someone and have children by this person if you honestly don't see this person in your life. It's a sad situation for all. I understand that things don't work out and sh*t happens but it just seems a little too frequent for me.
As I seek that one person for me I would prefer that he be childless. Not because I'm against children but because there can also be a lot of drama that comes with that man and that child. I have dated a few guys with children and I always say to myself afterwards I will NEVER date another guy with kids. However, somehow there's always a guy who I'm interested in who comes with that little extra. Maybe I'm a little spoiled because I at times feel as if I have to compete for attention. Of course the child should be number one in that man's life but I also want to be number one and there can't be two number ones so then I fall back. And don't get started on the baby mama drama that can be associated with it. That's another day. I just want to be able to start fresh with someone that I am hopefully married to and that WE can bring OUR child into this world TOGETHER. Is that too much to ask for?

6 comments:

expartygirl said...

Hmmm, well let's see, you want to find a man without children (good luck), if he has children you want to be number one (only if he is not taking care of his child), no baby mama drama (its possible). The thing is considering that most men have children you should not block your blessings. The key is to ask as many questions about the relationship with the mother and the children, does he pay childsupport, what about visits. the answers to these questions are essential when deciding whether this situation is for you. What is you meet a guy and you totally write him off just because of your selfishness? What if you had a child and he wrote you off? We as women of color especially tend to create this list that limits your chances of finding true love. I know that it is important to know exactly what you want in advance but like with any situtaion there must be compromise from both parties. Be patient, he is out there.

polo_da_don said...

I definitely agree with expartygirl. Please don't knock your blessings if a brother has a kid..You never know what you may miss out on..And ms. davis, I don't know where you are looking, but I know a few brothers with no kids, not alot, but a few....So just let the most high send your knight your way....One

Single Girl said...

I have tried being open minded and not having rules. And honestly I don't have many just age and children. Mainly children. Everytime I get caught up with a dude with a child there's always some type of drama. Not necessarily baba mama drama either but there's always something and it usually revolves around the child. So therefore by choice I have decided to leave men with kids alone. That's just my preference. It just doesn't fare out in the end. And I want to be the first person giving my man who hopefully is my husband a child. That's something I want to share with him only. I'm not knocking single parents because my mother was one but I don't have children and I expect the same. That's all.

blacdiamon said...

oohhhh I so feel you on this one! I mean why do we have to apologize for wanting and needing to be number 1? Why has finding a man with NO children getting harder and harder? Once meeting and dating a man your first questions to him should not be: 1. Have you ever dated or been with another man (another topic) 2. Do you have any children and if so how many? 3. Are they all by the same women? Because having more than one further complicates the whole situation especially if they are simple minded.
Again, it may be shallow in someone else book, but when you don’t have kids and you have to compete with other single women, different lifestyles, and schedules throwing children in the mix is not always the best option.

Bee said...

I agree with Single Girl, I don't want a man with kids either. I'm over 40 so it's getting realy hard to find one with none. I've heard plenty of men say that they don't want a ready made family, why can't a woman say it? The few times that I gave in and dated men with a kid or kids, I didn't care for it. On top of that, I've have men initially say they don't have kids, but they finally admit they do, just don't live with them. Also, there are those who lie about the number of children that they have. Why not just avoid it all together?

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