Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Natural or Straight Single Girl

So this past weekend I went to see the documentary Good Hair by Chris Rock. For those who don't know what Good Hair is, it's a documentary that shows African American hair care, especially amongst black women. After this seeing this documentary a lot of thoughts ran through my head including the nature of my own hair. Today I was speaking to a co-worker about natural hair vs. straight, relaxed hair. Now what I mean by natural hair is virgin hair or hair that is not chemically altered. Relaxed hair is chemically altered hair that is straightened with a relaxer. Our conversation went into our feelings of having straight hair vs. natural hair and how it affects men.

I will say that I have been on both sides of the fence. And when I had natural hair my confidence level shot down. I no longer felt as pretty or as attractive and mainly because the attraction just was not there from the opposite sex. The men that I was now attracting were neo-soul, Afrocentric men. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing with these men, they just aren't my cup of tea. But even hearing comments from men such as "I'd bet you'd look good if you relaxed your hair." Wait. What?? Are you serious? And so no wonder I had these feelings because you are viewed differently when your hair is natural. It's almost as if you're a different person. But at the end of day it's just hair. And your hair should not define you. Needless to say I did go back to a relaxer. And I must say that it takes a strong individual to be able to maintain a natural state of hair and get past what is the "norm". Especially when there are so many ads, commercials, celebrities who advertise straight, relaxed hair. It becomes a challenge and can be tempting.

Now that my hair is relaxed I do get more attention from men BUT my hair is short. That is another issue because men want women with long, flowing hair even if its not their own. I personally love short hair and men have said "I don't usually date girls with short hair but it looks good on you." Umm okay thanks.
But men why? Why is a woman's hair so important to you? Why would more men be quick to date a female with straight, long flowing hair even if it isn't theirs over a female with short hair or even natural hair. I find it quite interesting. My co-worker who has dreads, recently asked her husband if she had dreads when they met would he have dated her and he simply replied NO. Nuff said.....

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Single Lonely Girl

So being a single girl can sometimes be lonely and have you wishing/wanting that special someone in your life. And although I have heard all things such as be patient, it'll come, you'll find the one it just doesn't seem to happen. And trust when I say I am pretty much content as a single girl but some days you just wish/want more. When I say more I mean that one special person that you can share things with, your ups and downs, intimacy and most importantly friendship. Not just any type of friendship. You have friendships with your peers, your family, and your best friends but none of them are the same as having that friendship with a significant other.

Recently someone asked me why was I single? Is it because I'm anti-man? LOL. I actually had to laugh at that and explain why. So then I pose the question to myself. Why am I still single? Am I anti-man? Well to answer that I would give the same answer I gave them. I'm in a relationship with myself. I am busy doings things on my time that I like to do by myself. I basically am doing me. There is no harm in that. I am a full time employee as well as a student by night. Going to school at night is no easy feat and leaves you with no time and trying to catch up on sleep. Therefore my dating life has completely stalled. And I am not currently looking for anyone I am taking it one day at a time and if it happens, it happens. But then there are moments like now where I'm thinking when will I find him? Will it be in the near future? when I least expect it? when I am interested in someone else? I don't know but for now all I can do is patiently wait. I'm sure someone will come around....