Sunday, March 28, 2010

A Single Girl's Dream

Last night I had a dream that I attended a few ex boyfriend's weddings. The last wedding I attended in my dream was my first love from high school.  After attending this wedding I cried and cried.  I had a girlfriend with me and I told her that "I was NEVER going to get married".  I'm not sure if that was the ONLY reason I was crying but clearly it was a BIG part of the dream.  And it's not because I don't want to get married but I think I realized the bigger picture.  It's ME. 
And so I had a conversation with one of my besties and I realized some things about myself.  I realized that I have good traits, as well as bad traits and its the bad traits that may outweigh the good traits and keep me single.  At least I can acknowledge that fact.  I also know that I've dealt with guys who can deal with me and some of bad traits.  My biggest bad trait would have to be my attitude.  My attitude can at times SUCK.  Yes I said it.  I can admit it.  I know that and it is something I try to work on and even pray about.  And it's not that its just flat out bad all the time.  It tends to happen when things don't go my way or when something is not the way I expected.  So I guess you could call me spoiled.  I also tend not to give people a real chance.  I date guys and the minute they do something I don't like I cut them off.  I call it not wasting my time but then again I never even give it a shot.  Maybe that's the problem.  I won't say it's all guys because the ones that I really like I can overlook some things.  But then I also think it takes a special kind of guy to deal with me.  I know that he's out there (I think).  I just hope I haven't already kicked him to the curb. Lol.