I met this guy at a bar one night we had really good conversation, he was very nice, and was nice looking (which is rare here). We exchanged phone numbers and after a few conversations I decide to ask the question I should've asked back at the bar "Do you have a girlfriend? Are you involved with someone?" He hesitated and that said it all. I told him that he didn't even need to his respond, his lack of response gave me my answer. He then admitted that he was involved but quickly let me know how attracted he was to me and my whole vibe and I admit I was flattered. Flattery does get you everywhere however I wasn't buying it at the time. I let him know that I couldn't be THAT girl and I couldn't get involved with him. I didn't even want to entertain being his friend. So that was that... or so I thought. Clearly NOT. He continues to call me and plead his case and eventually I start to entertain him. (I know I'm wrong for that) I start thinking well maybe he is unhappy in his relationship, maybe I am who he needs in his life, maybe .... Man I think I'm just making excuses and justifications at this point.
So we go out to dinner and its really cool. I realize I like this guy but he's taken. I try to push that out of my head. We continue having conversations and then I think to myself what am I doing. This is not me. I gotta cut this dude off. And so I do. I let him know that he needs to holla back when he is SINGLE. Until then DEUCES. I go about my business. But this is one persistent guy. He is relentless and doesn't just quit. I'm like WOW. He continues to call and text- begging and pleading and asking for time. The more he talks the more I start to listen instead of ignoring him. So we go out again but this time I have my reservations. I have asked my girls about their advice on dating a TAKEN man. I even ask some of my male friends and from them I got the same thing- obviously you like him, he knows that, he has nothing to lose, he's going to try until you give in. And so with that knowledge I start asking him a million and one questions about his relationship, his plans, his intentions with me and when he starts stumbling I start looking at him side eye. This is exactly what I needed and now I'm really ready to cut it off. So at the end of the date we say our goodbyes and I call him as I'm driving home and let him know for real this time- THIS IS NOT ME. I am not that chick who's into dating other people's men. I'll admit I got caught up because it all sounded good but at the end of the day you are still involved with someone and I can't be apart of that. Well of course he tried to change my mind for at least a month but I guess he realized I was for real.
And so what is it with men who are taken that try to get at SINGLE girls like myself? I mean c'mon you are TAKEN. Is it the chase? Is it the challenge? Is it to see if you still got it? Are you that unhappy that home? Or are you just doing it because you can? Whatever the case it's not cool. And I'm not judging anyone because if that's what you do then do you but I will say it's not the single girl's ideal. I don't like being 2nd and when I get a man I want him to be ALL mine. And for those single girls like myself who seem to attract these taken men tell them to kick rocks. You aren't interested.
So initially when I came up with the plan to travel alone to Europe everyone thought I was crazy. I kept getting responses like “are you serious?”; “Omg. You’re going alone?”. I’m sure not the first and definitely not the last. Plus Wendy Williams has said before that every woman should take one trip by herself. And so I did. I was determined to experience Europe and whether I had friends going with me or not, it didn’t matter.
It’s one of the best decisions I have ever made. It also was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken and I have taken plenty. I was able to enjoy “me” time. I could do as I wanted, come and go as I please, and not care about anyone but me for once. I made new friends. The friends I made are great people whom I never would have met had I not gone on this solo journey. And when I got there I wasn’t the only single lady on the trip. Clearly, I’m not the only crazy one. LOL. I experienced new places and things that I wouldn’t have had.
So the benefit of this trip for a single girl like me was spending time with me. Really getting to know myself and to just absorb everything. I spent time writing my thoughts and each detail of my trip in my journal. I took lots of pictures to never forget this experience. And also came back with so many stories and memories to last a lifetime. I definitely recommend each woman take a single trip. Not a trip with your girls, or your man, or your family, just you by yourself. And it doesn’t have to be Europe, it can be a cute local bed and breakfast, it can be a spa retreat (every girl could use that), or it could even be an exotic destination just take the time to do you. You will thank yourself for it.
Wendy Williams confirmed for me that I should take this trip but deep down I already knew. And now that I am back I hear, “Wow, you’re brave.”, “I wish I could’ve done that”. You can. And I am so glad I did. : )
So I've finally managed how to juggle while dating. Juggling men that is. I've stated this before but I've always been the type to put all of my eggs into one basket, well not this time around. I have been dating three men simultaneously and it has been great. Each guy is different and I notice that I show different sides to each guy. It's like you have to play up to each of them and their personalities and dating styles. It even works out great that when one is busy with something else the other entertains me. Now some people may look at it as a bad thing but it really isn't. How will you find the one you're looking for if you're only spending time with one guy who you might be slightly interested in. So it's almost like a process of elimination. You date a few guys at a time (notice I'm saying date the guy, not sleep with the guy) and you'll be able to compare and start to eliminate the one(s) that are not up to your speed. Dating multiple guys has also allowed me to just have fun with it. I'm able to relax a bit more and just really be myself without getting uptight or upset because I had plans with Mr. X and he cancelled last minute. That is no longer the case if Mr. X cancels well there's always Mr. C, F or B. Now I have options and when you have options and choices the things you normally would be concerned about when dating one guy can be over looked. I will say this though, there is one that is truly sticking out amongst the rest. I really like him and I think the feeling is mutual. So I will say that I am a happy camper. Now who says that dating multiple guys isn't fun? At the end of the day look at it as if you were on Elimidate and you're trying to find the best mate. So let the dating begin and may the best man win. : )
Last night I had a dream that I attended a few ex boyfriend's weddings. The last wedding I attended in my dream was my first love from high school. After attending this wedding I cried and cried. I had a girlfriend with me and I told her that "I was NEVER going to get married". I'm not sure if that was the ONLY reason I was crying but clearly it was a BIG part of the dream. And it's not because I don't want to get married but I think I realized the bigger picture. It's ME.
And so I had a conversation with one of my besties and I realized some things about myself. I realized that I have good traits, as well as bad traits and its the bad traits that may outweigh the good traits and keep me single. At least I can acknowledge that fact. I also know that I've dealt with guys who can deal with me and some of bad traits. My biggest bad trait would have to be my attitude. My attitude can at times SUCK. Yes I said it. I can admit it. I know that and it is something I try to work on and even pray about. And it's not that its just flat out bad all the time. It tends to happen when things don't go my way or when something is not the way I expected. So I guess you could call me spoiled. I also tend not to give people a real chance. I date guys and the minute they do something I don't like I cut them off. I call it not wasting my time but then again I never even give it a shot. Maybe that's the problem. I won't say it's all guys because the ones that I really like I can overlook some things. But then I also think it takes a special kind of guy to deal with me. I know that he's out there (I think). I just hope I haven't already kicked him to the curb. Lol.
I've been mulling this post over for awhile. Originally I was going to write a blog about Valentine's Day and how its a made up holiday to make single women feel crappy. LOL. But I won't say all single women cause it sure doesn't bother me and I'm sure a few of my friends feel the same way. There are many ways to show you love someone and it doesn't always have to be a significant other. So with that said I started thinking about all the recent changes that have been going on around me and personally. I had to sit back and really think about how women go about getting a man. One of my friends recently posted on FB that women seem so desperate. Is that really it? Are we really desperate? I'm not sure about that but I can see why that would be said. Most single women, not all, have a goal and that is to find the "one" and get married and live happily ever after amongst other things. So we do what we can to try to attract a man. Whether that means dressing a certain way or acting a certain way, we women do what we have to sometimes to attract a man. And it's not always about attracting a man but trying to get the man to get involved with you or to marry you. So if the guy you're dating, interested in, kicking it with, or whatever likes thongs, we as females will go out of our way to start to wear thongs more often even if we hate them. If your man likes for you to dress a certain way, or wear your hair a certain way we as women tend to conform a lot easier than a man would. We tend to accept things that otherwise we wouldn't accept and do things that we may not always necessarily feel comfortable with. We all have done it. Been there, done that. I was looking in my armoire the other day and I noticed a body lotion that I don't really care for and then I remembered why I had it. A guy that I was dating and was really interested in told me that he liked it and so I bought it and would wear it around him because it's something that he liked. I had to ask myself why we would do that? Why would I get something that I really don't care for just to please or entertain someone else? Is that what it has come down to? And even though that is something small that is exactly the point I am trying to make. Women tend to conform and to make changes to please a man. But why? I don't know the answer but I think I will consciously make an effort to try to stay as TRUE to myself as possible without trying to conform just to capture a man. You just have to like me for me and if not you can go kick rocks.And I mean that in the nicest way. I shouldn't have to, nor should any woman have to tweak herself just to please a man or capture a man. I know that men don't ask us to do these things but again we women are trying to obtain that goal and sometimes that means making changes.
Why must all the SINGLE ladies be called out? Everywhere I turn there is something about SINGLE women. Just recently there was a TV special on single women, black SINGLE women at that. Then I get an email from Essence magazine about a chat about marriage, Black women, and the SINGLE life. I mean c'mon. Is it that serious? I mean it's not that bad to be a SINGLE woman or is it? Am I missing something?
We watch these shows like Sex and the City, Girlfriends, and now more recently Let's Talk About Pepa which revolves around four SINGLE women, black women. But why does it matter? I mean surely black women aren't the only ones who are SINGLE. Yeah sure I see more of my other female friends getting married or being in committed relationships. On the same hand I have a lot of black female friends who are either married, engaged, or in committed relationships. So it's not just the black community.
Now the SINGLE women that I know are all great women just waiting for the right person to come along, myself included. There's nothing wrong it. People seem to get this impression that since we (women) are SINGLE that there's something wrong us. Or that we're used goods. Or that we have high standards. Or whatever other reason a female maybe SINGLE. How about there are actually some women who enjoy being SINGLE? Maybe women aren't willing to just settle and that's fine, why should they? Has anyone ever asked the men why they are SINGLE? Why are they afraid to committ? I mean that seems to be the biggest reason I have found as to why men are SINGLE. Or maybe it just all boils back down to they haven't found the right one either.
Maybe its just me but I don't feel bad being a SINGLE woman. I enjoy the SINGLE life. There are times of course when I may "wish" to have a boyfriend or even husband and then I hear some of the troubles my married, engaged, comitted friends go through and I'm glad all over to be SINGLE. So the next time I hear the song calling all the SINGLE ladies out. I'm just going to smile and proudly put my hand up. I'm living the SINGLE life waiting patiently for the right one to come along.