Second Chance Dating

Now I'm not big on second chances especially when it comes to dating but time can change that. I posted about a year ago about a not so great date I had with a guy. And most recently he hit me up out of the blue and we went out on a 2nd date. Now mind you a whole year plus has passed since our first date but we both concluded at the end of the second date that this time around was much better.

There could be a few things to lead this. One we were both open and willing to try again. We both were a lot more relaxed and a lot more talkative. And I have to say that I am kind of digging this cat. He doesn't seem like the Jerk I had initially wrote him off to be. Initially when he asked to take me out again I was cut off guard and I flat out asked him why? His answer was because he was still interested even after all of this time. So of course he flipped the question on me. My answer was I was just curious to see if this time would be any better. And at the end of the day I'm glad I did. Although I made a fool of myself at the date (singing karaoke (very hoarse) at a restaurant), I had fun.

So we now have another date planned and I am looking forward to it. Who says that 1st impressions are lasting impressions?

Natural or Straight Single Girl

So this past weekend I went to see the documentary Good Hair by Chris Rock. For those who don't know what Good Hair is, it's a documentary that shows African American hair care, especially amongst black women. After this seeing this documentary a lot of thoughts ran through my head including the nature of my own hair. Today I was speaking to a co-worker about natural hair vs. straight, relaxed hair. Now what I mean by natural hair is virgin hair or hair that is not chemically altered. Relaxed hair is chemically altered hair that is straightened with a relaxer. Our conversation went into our feelings of having straight hair vs. natural hair and how it affects men.

I will say that I have been on both sides of the fence. And when I had natural hair my confidence level shot down. I no longer felt as pretty or as attractive and mainly because the attraction just was not there from the opposite sex. The men that I was now attracting were neo-soul, Afrocentric men. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing with these men, they just aren't my cup of tea. But even hearing comments from men such as "I'd bet you'd look good if you relaxed your hair." Wait. What?? Are you serious? And so no wonder I had these feelings because you are viewed differently when your hair is natural. It's almost as if you're a different person. But at the end of day it's just hair. And your hair should not define you. Needless to say I did go back to a relaxer. And I must say that it takes a strong individual to be able to maintain a natural state of hair and get past what is the "norm". Especially when there are so many ads, commercials, celebrities who advertise straight, relaxed hair. It becomes a challenge and can be tempting.

Now that my hair is relaxed I do get more attention from men BUT my hair is short. That is another issue because men want women with long, flowing hair even if its not their own. I personally love short hair and men have said "I don't usually date girls with short hair but it looks good on you." Umm okay thanks.

But men why? Why is a woman's hair so important to you? Why would more men be quick to date a female with straight, long flowing hair even if it isn't theirs over a female with short hair or even natural hair. I find it quite interesting. My co-worker who has dreads, recently asked her husband if she had dreads when they met would he have dated her and he simply replied NO. Nuff said.....

Single Lonely Girl

So being a single girl can sometimes be lonely and have you wishing/wanting that special someone in your life. And although I have heard all things such as be patient, it'll come, you'll find the one it just doesn't seem to happen. And trust when I say I am pretty much content as a single girl but some days you just wish/want more. When I say more I mean that one special person that you can share things with, your ups and downs, intimacy and most importantly friendship. Not just any type of friendship. You have friendships with your peers, your family, and your best friends but none of them are the same as having that friendship with a significant other.

Recently someone asked me why was I single? Is it because I'm anti-man? LOL. I actually had to laugh at that and explain why. So then I pose the question to myself. Why am I still single? Am I anti-man? Well to answer that I would give the same answer I gave them. I'm in a relationship with myself. I am busy doings things on my time that I like to do by myself. I basically am doing me. There is no harm in that. I am a full time employee as well as a student by night. Going to school at night is no easy feat and leaves you with no time and trying to catch up on sleep. Therefore my dating life has completely stalled. And I am not currently looking for anyone I am taking it one day at a time and if it happens, it happens. But then there are moments like now where I'm thinking when will I find him? Will it be in the near future? when I least expect it? when I am interested in someone else? I don't know but for now all I can do is patiently wait. I'm sure someone will come around....

Why Do Men Lie???

Why do guys lie? And I'm not saying all guys lie but most do. It just seems to be in their element and the thing about it is they ALWAYS get caught. So why do it? Why can't guys just be straight up? Can't guys just keep it 100%? And the thing about it is even though you can ask a guy to be straight forward with you and no bullshyt they still seem to LIE. And why is that? What is the point of it? What do men get out of lying to a female? Yes I understand that there maybe ulterior motives, usually sex and that maybe one of the reasons to lie. Or you as a male are trying to cover up something, which again if we're going to be straight up then be straight up. Don't be a lil boy about it, be a MAN. That's all we females ask. Own up to it.

I did a Google search and found that men tend to lie more than women. Why is that? Different reasons they found were to get out of a situation, insecurity, or because they just plain feel there's nothing wrong with it, or because they feel a woman is stupid just to name a few.

I think that men do underestimate women and sometimes feel that they are stupid and won't catch on.

So I posed the question to two guy friends about why do men lie? And the answer I got was we just do, or they lie to get away with shyt. My answer is they lie just to be assholes. Point blank.

Actions speak louder than words. You see what happened to Pinocchio's nose.

The Short of it All

My girlfriends have recently been clowning each other on who's the shortest. And guess what I am it. And that's fine because I am a female. But when it comes to men not only does there seem to be a shortage of men, there seems to be a shortage of tall men.

Ladies take a look around the next time you are at the club, at a restaurant or wherever. You will notice that most of the men are about 5'8 and under. And I know what you're thinking you're short (meaning me) so how can you call someone else short? Easy. I certainly can tell the difference between a tall person and short person, even with me being short. And its funny to me because when I was in high school a lot of the guys were 6'0 ft or so. Now not so much. What has happened?

Where have all the tall men gone? And because I'm short the shorties tend to flock to me. Umm sorry I don't want to reproduce some other lil shorties. Lol. It's okay if they are female but since there are no guarantees then scratch that. I have to think about my future here and my kids as well. I just don't get it though. Most rappers are short, actually most celeb men are short and much shorter in person that they appear on TV.

What happened to the days of tall men? Tall men like Michael Jordan. Snoop Dogg. Will Smith. Not that any of these men tickle my fancy but I'm trying to make a point here. Seriously when you go to the club the tall guys now stand out because everyone else is around the same height. It's sad I know but true.

What can be done? I've come up with some solutions-one being you could rock some lil high heeled booties like my man Prince (he's a hot shorty). Or you could stop wearing skinny jeans that make you look like you're a 10 year old. You're already short please don't make it worse wearing 2T sized clothing. You could hang with a bunch of other shorties and make sure you are the tallest to appear tall (at least taller). Lol.

Anyway I'm done carrying on about the short people since I am one myself. However just like there are different "standards" for males and females this is one of them. Can't we just get some tall men back? Drink more milk. And please don't take offense to this men or women I'm just trying to make short of the situtation. lol.

Single Girls Vacay

Okay so I recently came back from a girls trip and as we were there we couldn't help to notice how many couples surrounded us. And we are all Single Girls. Now I come to realize that whenever I am on a trip I notice these lovey doveys and can't help to feel some type of way. Lol. But not in a bad type of way just wow I wish I could come to a hot spot and just kick back with some dude and enjoy each other. But I will say the benefits of going with ya girls are:

1. Being single and ready to mingle. Basically everyone there knows you ladies are there solo and so every Tom, Dick, and Harry tries their hand. But since we're on vacay it's all in fun. So go for it and have fun. Meet all the guys you want and mingle with them because guess what you're there single so why not.




2. Being able to do as you please. And come and go as you want. Of course you must be mindful of your companions and use some boundaries. But basically you are free to be YOU and have fun.




3. All the HATE. Yes I said it. When you are single and having a good time on the girls trip other females (mainly those in couples) tend to hate. They stare you down, give you evil eyes, the whole nine. And GOD forbid you say hi to their MAN they are so close to falling out. And yes I said it's a benefit because guess what that means you must be on POINT.




4. FUN. It's straight up fun and in a different way. It's not hanging out with your boo. It's hanging out with your girls. Daring each other to do things you normally wouldn't do at home. (hehe) Doing things and wearing things you normally wouldn't at home because you can. Partying and drinking all night and having to nurse each other in the morning and having a great time reminiscing.




5. Friendship. You build a better bond and have a better understanding of someone when they are on vacay. You get to let loose and let your hair down and what not better way to do it than in the company of your friends.

So of course there are some drawbacks as well like if you shared a room and wanted to bring some random stranger in you really can't (lol). But other than that there is nothing more fun than hanging with your girls. Tanning, shopping, bar hopping, drinking, partying, mingling, and more. So if you haven't had an all girls trip I say for every girl not just single girls you must do it. Just remember this saying doesn't just go for Vegas-so what happens there, stays there.

Single Girl Dating the Unknown

Ok so I haven't written in awhile and that's because I really have nothing to write about. This single girl's dating has gone DRY. lol. Maybe it's the economy and guys aren't into taking guys out anymore. I mean there are a bunch of free things to do that are just as fun. Maybe it's the weather. Guys see more skin so they aren't really looking to be attached to one person. lol. Who knows. But actually I think it's me. It's me because I've just been so busy and caught with me that I haven't had time to look up and notice anyone. Lol. Is that bad? It can be. Sometimes I do want to go out on a date but then I'm like well I'm not dating anyone and haven't met anyone to date. Oh well. Doesn't suck too bad though because I'm doing me. I am working. Going to school. Traveling. Hanging out with friends and celebrating their life moments. But I have noticed one thing about myself. I continue to date guys that are familiar to me. Meaning I have known them prior-whether they are old friends or associates from school. They are someones friend or family member that I already know. Why is it that I can't find guys that are clearly unknown to me or any of my friends or family at all? Is it because the world is so damn small? Or I don't get out much? Or maybe I just don't trust or feel comfortable with the unknown? So I'm posing a question where can I meet nice, gentlemen who are complete strangers to me and my friends/family? It can't be that hard but it really is. Help me out here. Maybe I need a dating show. Oh been there, done that. Maybe I need to be open minded-but I've kind of been there done that too. Lol. One of my friends has suggested speed dating and it's a thought but does it really work. I guess I'll have to see what you guys come up with. : )

What's a SINGLE girl to do?

So I'm getting pretty fed up with this dating world. I think I'm just getting fed up with the men that are available or that are or have dated me. I say this because it seems as if men in my age group are not really interested in commitment. Now I'm not saying that's true for ALL men because it isn't. I have friends who are engaged or married to great guys. I even have male friends who are serious about looking for a relationship but can't seem to find one, a good one anyway. So with all of that said recently I asked a friend of mine how was it going with this guy she was dating-her response was "umm I don't know what's going on." Then she proceeds to tell me that he is just too busy and not ready to commit to anything. I mean wtf. But I have heard this story one too many times as well so I know where she is coming from. What is it with guys in the late 20's to early 30's range being too busy and so work committed that they can't focus or have a relationship? Are men afraid of commitment? What do you think you're missing out on? You aren't getting any younger, when do you think that YOU will be ready? And yes it is true that women mature faster than men and maybe that's the reason why but then I'm like that's just an excuse. And then I'm thinking well maybe he isn't really all that into the person. Then my question is why spend so much time with this person? Why try to get to know a person for a long period of time to end up saying well I'm not looking for anything more? Wtf. Do you seriously think I need another friend? If I could count the long conversations, dinners, movies, evenings together, etc... that's a lot of time spent and WASTED. I don't know what the problem is but I wish these dudes would get it together. I'm all for you trying to get work in place amongst other things but don't miss out on a great person just because that's your focus. What options does that really leave us women? I guess we could date OLDER men ( I don't care for them too much), date women (umm I think not), or just remain SINGLE. But why? I know I won't get an answer but I guess I can remain optimistic and just see what happens. There has to be somebody out there for all of us SINGLE women.

Single Girl Dating Policies

So I’ve come to the conclusion that all men know what to do on a date. Not all men know proper dating etiquette. Now that can be for several reasons: they have no manners, the female(s) before have never expected them to, or they just don’t care. Most recently on MTV’s from G’s to Gents the G’s had a lesson on etiquette. They then had to display what they learned while on a date with Esther Baxter. It was quite hilarious how so many of them were clueless. Now I’m not saying all men have to follow this because not all women are into chivalry. However, I can say that this young lady right here is. And I don’t mean do these things ONLY on the first date. This should be done all the time especially if you’re dealing with a LADY. So listen up.

• Please be sure to be well groomed. I mean I spent my 30 min in the shower and another 30 figuring out what to wear, another 30 doing my hair, and another 30 putting on makeup and other finishing touches. So if I took ALL of that time trying to make sure I look and smell good then the least you can do is the same. Hair should be combed, teeth and breath fresh, shoes shouldn’t be dirty or your clothes, jeans shouldn’t hang down to your kneecaps- we are adults dress like one, and most importantly your hands should be clean.


• Please open all doors (including my car-even if I’m the driver) and pull out chairs if we’re out dining somewhere. And when I say open the doors I don’t mean open the door and you walk through. I mean open and hold the door let me walk through first and then you do the same. And as far as the car you can miss this one sometimes, I’ll let you slide.


• Please if we’re going out to eat, I don’t care if it’s just IHOP- you should not be eating your food with your hands. That’s why we have eating utensils. It’s okay for certain foods but no for all. Basically if we’re out to eat, especially at a nice restaurant please turn your manners up a notch. That means no elbows on the table, no reaching across the table, no talking with your mouth full, no licking your fingers afterwards, no wearing your hat in the restaurant, put your napkin in your lap when the food first arrives, etc… If you need more dining manners Google it. I’m not saying you have to know which fork goes with what because even I don’t know all that but it may impress me if you do. Just know the basics. Lol.


• And while we’re on the subject of eating please, please, please do not get onions or at least try not to eat them. Well not if you’re planning on kissing me. I can’t stand onions and onion breath is not easy to tame. I can offer you a hundred and one mints and I will still smell it, which will then make me turn my nose up in disgust. But if you MUST have onions have some mouthwash, toothbrush, or something just as strong on hand because gum and mints don’t always do the trick.


• Please make sure that if we STOP at a gas station and you happen to be RIDING in my whip to get your a** out and pump the gas. I’m not saying you have to pay it (which would be nice since I am driving) but at least get out and pump. It’s the least you could do.


• Please don’t be all loud and ghetto and all on your cell phone. Don't be cursing and whatnot all loud in public when do you have to take a call. I mean its okay to take a call here and there-well not really. Lol. But if it’s a call you were expecting or an emergency. Other than that the phone should be on silence, vibrate, or better yet off-you’re with me. Focus!!!


• Eye contact is great. Don’t be looking at my booty or anywhere else for that matter. At least if we have good eye contact I know that you are focused on me and paying ME attention. That is always a plus!!!! (I could do better at this myself)


• Being on time is a MUST. How can I wait on you when I’m already 10-15 min late? Lol. I’m late because of all that prep time I took to get ready for YOU so please try to be on time. And if I am on time and you’re not oh we’re going to have some problems. Both of us can’t be late. Lol. But I’m not a total witch about being on time if you know how to pick up the phone and call and say,”hey sorry but I am running late because of x, y, z.” I shouldn’t have to call your phone like 15-20 min after meeting time like “hey where are you?” No. That’s not cool. So just try to be on time. Leave the being late up to me. : )


• Please don’t be super arrogant and so stuck on yourself that you talk a whole in MY head about YOU. It’s okay if I’m asking you questions about yourself but when you randomly start throwing out who you know, how much you make, and what you got then I’m already uninterested. Keep that to a minimum. And on the flip side don’t be a COMPLETE mute. I like to talk and I would appreciate someone to have a conversation with. Not just me yapping and you listening. It gets boring and old really fast. So if you think you won’t have much to say then maybe you should stay home.


• This is an ultimate no- DO NOT come to pick me up for a date and sit outside blowing the horn. Be a gentleman. Get your lazy tail out of your car and walk to my door and ring my bell. Now this usually does not apply to me since I usually meet guys out as I don’t like people at my house. But this should apply anyway for anybody else.


• And last but not least if you ask ME on a date I expect YOU to pay. Not for us to go dutch or for you to ask for help on the bill. You should be paying in full. I’m not saying we can’t ever go dutch or that I can’t sometimes pay for the date because I do but that needs to be discussed prior to so that I know what I’m getting myself into.

All in all dating should be about having fun. And we shouldn’t have rules but unfortunately we do. All I want is to be treated like a lady. I act like a lady so why not try treating me like one. It’s the least you can do and we’ll have a wonderful time. : )

And not ALL dudes totally disregard etiquette just some of the few I seem to pick up.

Dating in the New Year

So I am starting the New Year with a new perspective. Basically I have realized a pattern within myself while dating. I tend to date a few guys at a time and then all of a sudden I really like one. Then it happens... I cut everybody back or just cut them off. I put all of my time and my effort into this one person because I feel a connection and feel that maybe, just maybe it could work. And at times this seems to backfire on me. And I had to think about it and say to myself why do I keep doing the same thing. I start dating this one person and put all of my time and energy into this ONE person. To think that ONE person that I am dating, not even in a relationship with is getting so much of my time and attention is appalling. I can't even believe myself. And what's worse is when the ONE person I have put my energy into is not even worth it or is not even thinking about me the same. So I have changed my perspective and made a goal for myself. I will no longer put all of my time and energy into ONE person because simply put they just aren't worth it. Well I don't really mean that they aren't worth it but why waste all of your time and focus on ONE person when simply put that person may not be into you the way you are into them. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing but you want to keep your options open. So basically I am doing things a bit differently for the New Year as well as for the future. Maybe the outcomes will be much different than the ones I am getting now. Who knows... it could happen.