Monday, July 28, 2008

Dating 101

Maybe this should've been my first post. I recently got into a conversation with someone regarding dating. I mean what exactly is dating? So I found a definition of what dating is:

a. An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
b. One's companion on such an outing.

So my definition doesn't vary too far from the definition I found. Dating to me is to go out with the person and getting to know them mainly for romantic reasons. Now people have their own definitions of what dating is. And then there is the question of dating vs courting? what's the difference? And there is one. The main difference seems to be that modern dating may include intimacy whereas courting does not. Courting consists of getting to fully know the person without any intimacy and leading to marriage. So there you have it. And most people like myself tend to date. I guess you can call me old fashioned but I do enjoy taking the time to get to know a person. There are some people who like a person and they may go out a few times and they just go straight into a relationship. Personally I feel that leaves room for failure because you're getting to know the person as you go along in a relationship and what if the person is not exactly what you want or thought. That's when relationships go sour. I rather save myself the headache and the heartache. Most of they guys I date anyway don't make it pass a few dates so why set myself up. And although a relationship is not marriage it's still a relationship. And for that reason alone I'm just a single girl dating......


Blacdiamon said...

I feel you, I want to be COURTED! As you said dating only leads to trouble!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. Unfortunately, most guys do not know how to date, so either you spend your time teaching them how to date or writing them off after the first date. Men don't understand the process we go through on date nite. Like, the outfit, hair, makeup, shaving, etc. Many of us put alot of work into the prep work so if the date is a bomb we tend to feel like it was a waste of our time. I used to have very strict rules in reference to dating like, meeting him at the spot, paying for your meal/drinks, always have a plan B, don't call or respond to a call no less than 48hrs after the date. I know, it's like you are playing a game but guess what, dating is a game.
And, never let him think that he is the only person you are dating. Men hate competition so it forces them to step up to the plate. Be clear with what you a looking for up front, I don't believe in dating for 10years either.

Lakaay said...

If you really think about the reason behind dating then you will see that there is no line between dating and courting. I think that people these days have drawn that line to take the commitment and responsibility out of these interactions.

Dating is more casual than Courting. When your dating you have no responsibility to the other person. Your not outwardly showing them that you can be a good partner for them or that you can be commited to them in the way that they woould want you to be.
When you are courting, you put your intentions up front and you try your best to sway that person to want to be with you.

The problem I think is that beacuse in Courting, usually the man who was the persuer. Now-a-days some men dont put that much effort into finding a wife because they dont have to. Women are giving it up to them before they can even look at them in the way they would look at a woman they want to wife. I dont put all the responsibility on women either. Some women think that a man won't like them if they dont give it up! Its not all about the sex! We women would be soooo suprised of the outcome if we demand courtship from men. 9 times out of ten, if we demand courtship, and if that man is a good man and really likes us, he will come to court!

But you cant just come out and say "court me". Well you can, but because the way men are raised today, they might get scared away and go with whats easy. You have to demand it by making him respect you. Dont fully give it up to him. Spend time doing things together that both of you like doing and determine if this is the person that you would even be interested in. If it is, then he will do what you need for him to do. Us women have to break down all the BS some men have been taught regarding dating and fight for what we want from them.

When I first met my husband he tried to treat me like some chick off the streets so I checked him. "No hon, you cant honk your horne and expect me to come out, Imma need you to knock on my door and meet my mother first then we can roll and every time you come calling, you need to knock on the door." "No, honey, Im a lady, Imma need you to open the door for me. "Yeah we can hug and kiss and maybe even pet, but no you aint getting none right now and no I will not suck your dick instead!" What? Is there a problem? Let me know right know because this is how I expect to be treated and this is what I expect from you. I like you and you like me, treat me like a queen and I'll do the same for you." It might take a while, but old habits are hard to break ladies! If they are not willing, then its time for you too move on no matter what the brother might have or how good he looks! If you do this, you'll weed out the ones that are not worthy to be with you!

Demand what you want, but dont do it if your not ready to give that man the things he wants too!

If you want something more casual then continue to date, but if you want a husband, let them men know that you are worthy to be courted and demand the respect and treatment you want early in the relationship.


A. Jones. said...

I have to disagree with anonymous, and blacdiamon. It's not dating or Men fault. It's the choices we make that lead us to the problems we face. Stop attracting guys that are loosers, and you get better dating experiences.

You get hair weaved, nails painted, outfit...fitted and accenting curves. Body...Shaved. Lies, its all lies, you're lying to the world about who you really are. Your hair is never that long, and flowy, nails are not always trimmed, and body is not always that "in shape" or smoothed. It's the message you're sending, that's getting bad responses. Look at what you're doing 1st and work on that, and the rest should follow.

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