ElimiDate

So I've finally managed how to juggle while dating.  Juggling men that is.  I've stated this before but I've always been the type to put all of my eggs into one basket, well not this time around.  I have been dating three men simultaneously and it has been great.  Each guy is different and I notice that I show different sides to each guy.  It's like you have to play up to each of them and their personalities and dating styles.  It even works out great that when one is busy with something else the other entertains me.  Now some people may look at it as a bad thing but it really isn't.  How will you find the one you're looking for if you're only spending time with one guy who you might be slightly interested in.  So it's almost like a process of elimination.  You date a few guys at a time (notice I'm saying date the guy, not sleep with the guy) and you'll be able to compare and start to eliminate the one(s) that are not up to your speed. 
Dating multiple guys has also allowed me to just have fun with it.  I'm able to relax a bit more and just really be myself without getting uptight or upset because I had plans with Mr. X and he cancelled last minute.  That is no longer the case if Mr. X cancels well there's always Mr. C, F or B.  Now I have options and when you have options and choices the things you normally would be concerned about when dating one guy can be over looked.  I will say this though, there is one that is truly sticking out amongst the rest.  I really like him and I think the feeling is mutual.  So I will say that I am a happy camper. 
Now who says that dating multiple guys isn't fun? At the end of the day look at it as if you were on Elimidate and you're trying to find the best mate.  So let the dating begin and may the best man win.  : )

A Single Girl's Dream

Last night I had a dream that I attended a few ex boyfriend's weddings. The last wedding I attended in my dream was my first love from high school.  After attending this wedding I cried and cried.  I had a girlfriend with me and I told her that "I was NEVER going to get married".  I'm not sure if that was the ONLY reason I was crying but clearly it was a BIG part of the dream.  And it's not because I don't want to get married but I think I realized the bigger picture.  It's ME. 
And so I had a conversation with one of my besties and I realized some things about myself.  I realized that I have good traits, as well as bad traits and its the bad traits that may outweigh the good traits and keep me single.  At least I can acknowledge that fact.  I also know that I've dealt with guys who can deal with me and some of bad traits.  My biggest bad trait would have to be my attitude.  My attitude can at times SUCK.  Yes I said it.  I can admit it.  I know that and it is something I try to work on and even pray about.  And it's not that its just flat out bad all the time.  It tends to happen when things don't go my way or when something is not the way I expected.  So I guess you could call me spoiled.  I also tend not to give people a real chance.  I date guys and the minute they do something I don't like I cut them off.  I call it not wasting my time but then again I never even give it a shot.  Maybe that's the problem.  I won't say it's all guys because the ones that I really like I can overlook some things.  But then I also think it takes a special kind of guy to deal with me.  I know that he's out there (I think).  I just hope I haven't already kicked him to the curb. Lol.

The Things WE single women do....

I've been mulling this post over for awhile.  Originally I was going to write a blog about Valentine's Day and how its a made up holiday to make single women feel crappy.  LOL.  But I won't say all single women cause it sure doesn't bother me and I'm sure a few of my friends feel the same way.  There are many ways to show you love someone and it doesn't always have to be a significant other.  So with that said I started thinking about all the recent changes that have been going on around me and personally.  I had to sit back and really think about how women go about getting a man.  One of my friends recently posted on FB that women seem so desperate.  Is that really it? Are we really desperate?  I'm not sure about that but I can see why that would be said. 
Most single women, not all, have a goal and that is to find the "one" and get married and live happily ever after amongst other things.  So we do what we can to try to attract a man.  Whether that means dressing a certain way or acting a certain way, we women do what we have to sometimes to attract a man.  And it's not always about attracting a man but trying to get the man to get involved with you or to marry you.  So if the guy you're dating, interested in, kicking it with, or whatever likes thongs, we as females will go out of our way to start to wear thongs more often even if we hate them.  If your man likes for you to dress a certain way, or wear your hair a certain way we as women tend to conform a lot easier than a man would.  We tend to accept things that otherwise we wouldn't accept and do things that we may not always necessarily feel comfortable with. We all have done it. Been there, done that. 
I was looking in my armoire the other day and I noticed a body lotion that I don't really care for and then I remembered why I had it. A guy that I was dating and was really interested in told me that he liked it and so I bought it and would wear it around him because it's something that he liked.  I had to ask myself why we would do that? Why would I get something that I really don't care for just to please or entertain someone else? Is that what it has come down to? And even though that is something small that is exactly the point I am trying to make.  Women tend to conform and to make changes to please a man.  But why? I don't know the answer but I think I will consciously make an effort to try to stay as TRUE to myself as possible without trying to conform just to capture a man.  You just have to like me for me and if not you can go kick rocks.  And I mean that in the nicest way.  I shouldn't have to, nor should any woman have to tweak herself just to please a man or capture a man.  I know that men don't ask us to do these things but again we women are trying to obtain that goal and sometimes that means making changes. 

All the SINGLE ladies...
All the SINGLE ladies...

Why must all the SINGLE ladies be called out?  Everywhere I turn there is something about SINGLE women.  Just recently there was a TV special on single women, black SINGLE women at that.  Then I get an email from Essence magazine about a chat about marriage, Black women, and the SINGLE life.  I mean c'mon.  Is it that serious? I mean it's not that bad to be a SINGLE woman or is it?  Am I missing something? 
We watch these shows like Sex and the City, Girlfriends, and now more recently Let's Talk About Pepa which revolves around four SINGLE women, black women.  But why does it matter? I mean surely black women aren't the only ones who are SINGLE.  Yeah sure I see more of my other female friends getting married or being in committed relationships.  On the same hand I have a lot of black female friends who are either married, engaged, or in committed relationships.  So it's not just the black community. 
Now the SINGLE women that I know are all great women just waiting for the right person to come along, myself included.  There's nothing wrong it. People seem to get this impression that since we (women) are SINGLE that there's something wrong us.  Or that we're used goods. Or that we have high standards.  Or whatever other reason a female maybe SINGLE.  How about there are actually some women who enjoy being SINGLE? Maybe women aren't willing to just settle and that's fine, why should they?  Has anyone ever asked the men why they are SINGLE? Why are they afraid to committ? I mean that seems to be the biggest reason I have found as to why men are SINGLE.  Or maybe it just all boils back down to they haven't found the right one either. 
Maybe its just me but I don't feel bad being a SINGLE woman.  I enjoy the SINGLE life.  There are times of course when I may "wish" to have a boyfriend or even husband and then I hear some of the troubles my married, engaged, comitted friends go through and I'm glad all over to be SINGLE.  So the next time I hear the song calling all the SINGLE ladies out.  I'm just going to smile and proudly put my hand up.  I'm living the SINGLE life waiting patiently for the right one to come along. 

Second Chance Dating

Now I'm not big on second chances especially when it comes to dating but time can change that. I posted about a year ago about a not so great date I had with a guy. And most recently he hit me up out of the blue and we went out on a 2nd date. Now mind you a whole year plus has passed since our first date but we both concluded at the end of the second date that this time around was much better.

There could be a few things to lead this. One we were both open and willing to try again. We both were a lot more relaxed and a lot more talkative. And I have to say that I am kind of digging this cat. He doesn't seem like the Jerk I had initially wrote him off to be. Initially when he asked to take me out again I was cut off guard and I flat out asked him why? His answer was because he was still interested even after all of this time. So of course he flipped the question on me. My answer was I was just curious to see if this time would be any better. And at the end of the day I'm glad I did. Although I made a fool of myself at the date (singing karaoke (very hoarse) at a restaurant), I had fun.

So we now have another date planned and I am looking forward to it. Who says that 1st impressions are lasting impressions?

Natural or Straight Single Girl

So this past weekend I went to see the documentary Good Hair by Chris Rock. For those who don't know what Good Hair is, it's a documentary that shows African American hair care, especially amongst black women. After this seeing this documentary a lot of thoughts ran through my head including the nature of my own hair. Today I was speaking to a co-worker about natural hair vs. straight, relaxed hair. Now what I mean by natural hair is virgin hair or hair that is not chemically altered. Relaxed hair is chemically altered hair that is straightened with a relaxer. Our conversation went into our feelings of having straight hair vs. natural hair and how it affects men.

I will say that I have been on both sides of the fence. And when I had natural hair my confidence level shot down. I no longer felt as pretty or as attractive and mainly because the attraction just was not there from the opposite sex. The men that I was now attracting were neo-soul, Afrocentric men. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing with these men, they just aren't my cup of tea. But even hearing comments from men such as "I'd bet you'd look good if you relaxed your hair." Wait. What?? Are you serious? And so no wonder I had these feelings because you are viewed differently when your hair is natural. It's almost as if you're a different person. But at the end of day it's just hair. And your hair should not define you. Needless to say I did go back to a relaxer. And I must say that it takes a strong individual to be able to maintain a natural state of hair and get past what is the "norm". Especially when there are so many ads, commercials, celebrities who advertise straight, relaxed hair. It becomes a challenge and can be tempting.

Now that my hair is relaxed I do get more attention from men BUT my hair is short. That is another issue because men want women with long, flowing hair even if its not their own. I personally love short hair and men have said "I don't usually date girls with short hair but it looks good on you." Umm okay thanks.

But men why? Why is a woman's hair so important to you? Why would more men be quick to date a female with straight, long flowing hair even if it isn't theirs over a female with short hair or even natural hair. I find it quite interesting. My co-worker who has dreads, recently asked her husband if she had dreads when they met would he have dated her and he simply replied NO. Nuff said.....

Single Lonely Girl

So being a single girl can sometimes be lonely and have you wishing/wanting that special someone in your life. And although I have heard all things such as be patient, it'll come, you'll find the one it just doesn't seem to happen. And trust when I say I am pretty much content as a single girl but some days you just wish/want more. When I say more I mean that one special person that you can share things with, your ups and downs, intimacy and most importantly friendship. Not just any type of friendship. You have friendships with your peers, your family, and your best friends but none of them are the same as having that friendship with a significant other.

Recently someone asked me why was I single? Is it because I'm anti-man? LOL. I actually had to laugh at that and explain why. So then I pose the question to myself. Why am I still single? Am I anti-man? Well to answer that I would give the same answer I gave them. I'm in a relationship with myself. I am busy doings things on my time that I like to do by myself. I basically am doing me. There is no harm in that. I am a full time employee as well as a student by night. Going to school at night is no easy feat and leaves you with no time and trying to catch up on sleep. Therefore my dating life has completely stalled. And I am not currently looking for anyone I am taking it one day at a time and if it happens, it happens. But then there are moments like now where I'm thinking when will I find him? Will it be in the near future? when I least expect it? when I am interested in someone else? I don't know but for now all I can do is patiently wait. I'm sure someone will come around....