Sunday, March 29, 2009

What's a SINGLE girl to do?

So I'm getting pretty fed up with this dating world. I think I'm just getting fed up with the men that are available or that are or have dated me. I say this because it seems as if men in my age group are not really interested in commitment. Now I'm not saying that's true for ALL men because it isn't. I have friends who are engaged or married to great guys. I even have male friends who are serious about looking for a relationship but can't seem to find one, a good one anyway. So with all of that said recently I asked a friend of mine how was it going with this guy she was dating-her response was "umm I don't know what's going on." Then she proceeds to tell me that he is just too busy and not ready to commit to anything. I mean wtf. But I have heard this story one too many times as well so I know where she is coming from. What is it with guys in the late 20's to early 30's range being too busy and so work committed that they can't focus or have a relationship? Are men afraid of commitment? What do you think you're missing out on? You aren't getting any younger, when do you think that YOU will be ready? And yes it is true that women mature faster than men and maybe that's the reason why but then I'm like that's just an excuse. And then I'm thinking well maybe he isn't really all that into the person. Then my question is why spend so much time with this person? Why try to get to know a person for a long period of time to end up saying well I'm not looking for anything more? Wtf. Do you seriously think I need another friend? If I could count the long conversations, dinners, movies, evenings together, etc... that's a lot of time spent and WASTED. I don't know what the problem is but I wish these dudes would get it together. I'm all for you trying to get work in place amongst other things but don't miss out on a great person just because that's your focus. What options does that really leave us women? I guess we could date OLDER men ( I don't care for them too much), date women (umm I think not), or just remain SINGLE. But why? I know I won't get an answer but I guess I can remain optimistic and just see what happens. There has to be somebody out there for all of us SINGLE women.


Anonymous said...

Girl it is better to wait then rush tho. I feel you and I rushed. Sometime I wonder if I waited would I have turned out happier. Then I look at my family and my feelings and wonder subside.

As I tell my male counter parts looking for the same and feeling the same way about women. Let people know what you want straight up before "wasting" your time. If they with it then they will continue and if not c-ya! That will cut out some of the game.

Also, always realize you are a great person and never think any less.

Lastly, try going to different places, try new things. You never know the same ole same ole is making you feel and get the same dumb stuff.

Try new experiences..maybe the things you want are there. :)

Jelani said...

Sis, you gotta find a guy that has LOST out on love already and knows what its like to "waste" years of their lives in a relationship that just seemed to go nowhere.

I think that's what makes a guy like me realize that their is really no time to waste. That goes triple time for those of us that are 30 and older!

Like the previous poster though, there isnt any rush as far as i'm concerened. I just let what happens happen and things seem to float in my direction(the good and the bad).

Anonymous said...

I hate that "too busy with work" excuse. Like, hello, is multi-tasking something you've never learned how to do? But then some guys truly want to give you their all, but would feel like they're only giving you3 second best because their work/school is currrently their priority, so why even give you second best when you could have THE best. Then from there, it would be your choice to stick around or keep it moving.

I do agree with Jelani about men who have already lost something good. I feel like my ex lost out on me and is now in a relationship where he gives her the world. It's unfortunate that I had to be the one that he lost, but it served as a learning experience for him not to do that with the next woman.

I also believe that timing is everything. There are men from my past who I believe we could've achieved great things together in our relationship, but see, the timing was all wrong. They don't have that same mentality that they have now back then. I can't approximate an age when men stop thinking like boys (although it would be nice - LOL) and start thinking like men, but it all comes in due time.

I feel like it's just a matter of being at the right place at the right time. Maybe your man isn't even in the area in which you live. Maybe it won't be until after you relocate that he finds you.

Look at me - if I would've never went away to Texas that year, I'd probably still be single myself. But even then, I had no idea of my (now) fiance's true feelings. And with him, I wasn't looking for love and I wasn't looking for a relationship. Everything just fell into place, and sometimes you have to just let things fall into place. For some people, it happens quickly, for others, not so much. Every situation/person is different.

Your optimistic ways will definitely pay off in the end. :)

Blaque Diamond said...

There are so many of us in "complicated" relationships and I want to know the answer to the questions you are asking myself. I think it's partly our blame, maybe we need to go into each relationship and say "Hey, I'm not looking to just go out, kiss and not tell, or call when we don't have anything else to do." Maybe we should make it clear that we are looking for SERIOUS relationships. Oh but lets not forget to tell these men that we may not find it in them but we are putting it out there so they can be aware not to waste my time or theirs.

I have an idea....lets make a list of all the things we want in a man, but we have to be realistic about it.

I'll start and get back with you.

ms. thang said...

Okay I will start a list and you're right maybe I do need to stay straight up off the top. give it to them STRAIGHT no chaser. I'm looking for a committed relationship not some fluke shyt. Feel me. lol

deenaanddavid said...
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