The Things WE single women do....

I've been mulling this post over for awhile.  Originally I was going to write a blog about Valentine's Day and how its a made up holiday to make single women feel crappy.  LOL.  But I won't say all single women cause it sure doesn't bother me and I'm sure a few of my friends feel the same way.  There are many ways to show you love someone and it doesn't always have to be a significant other.  So with that said I started thinking about all the recent changes that have been going on around me and personally.  I had to sit back and really think about how women go about getting a man.  One of my friends recently posted on FB that women seem so desperate.  Is that really it? Are we really desperate?  I'm not sure about that but I can see why that would be said. 
Most single women, not all, have a goal and that is to find the "one" and get married and live happily ever after amongst other things.  So we do what we can to try to attract a man.  Whether that means dressing a certain way or acting a certain way, we women do what we have to sometimes to attract a man.  And it's not always about attracting a man but trying to get the man to get involved with you or to marry you.  So if the guy you're dating, interested in, kicking it with, or whatever likes thongs, we as females will go out of our way to start to wear thongs more often even if we hate them.  If your man likes for you to dress a certain way, or wear your hair a certain way we as women tend to conform a lot easier than a man would.  We tend to accept things that otherwise we wouldn't accept and do things that we may not always necessarily feel comfortable with. We all have done it. Been there, done that. 
I was looking in my armoire the other day and I noticed a body lotion that I don't really care for and then I remembered why I had it. A guy that I was dating and was really interested in told me that he liked it and so I bought it and would wear it around him because it's something that he liked.  I had to ask myself why we would do that? Why would I get something that I really don't care for just to please or entertain someone else? Is that what it has come down to? And even though that is something small that is exactly the point I am trying to make.  Women tend to conform and to make changes to please a man.  But why? I don't know the answer but I think I will consciously make an effort to try to stay as TRUE to myself as possible without trying to conform just to capture a man.  You just have to like me for me and if not you can go kick rocks.  And I mean that in the nicest way.  I shouldn't have to, nor should any woman have to tweak herself just to please a man or capture a man.  I know that men don't ask us to do these things but again we women are trying to obtain that goal and sometimes that means making changes. 

All the SINGLE ladies...
All the SINGLE ladies...

Why must all the SINGLE ladies be called out?  Everywhere I turn there is something about SINGLE women.  Just recently there was a TV special on single women, black SINGLE women at that.  Then I get an email from Essence magazine about a chat about marriage, Black women, and the SINGLE life.  I mean c'mon.  Is it that serious? I mean it's not that bad to be a SINGLE woman or is it?  Am I missing something? 
We watch these shows like Sex and the City, Girlfriends, and now more recently Let's Talk About Pepa which revolves around four SINGLE women, black women.  But why does it matter? I mean surely black women aren't the only ones who are SINGLE.  Yeah sure I see more of my other female friends getting married or being in committed relationships.  On the same hand I have a lot of black female friends who are either married, engaged, or in committed relationships.  So it's not just the black community. 
Now the SINGLE women that I know are all great women just waiting for the right person to come along, myself included.  There's nothing wrong it. People seem to get this impression that since we (women) are SINGLE that there's something wrong us.  Or that we're used goods. Or that we have high standards.  Or whatever other reason a female maybe SINGLE.  How about there are actually some women who enjoy being SINGLE? Maybe women aren't willing to just settle and that's fine, why should they?  Has anyone ever asked the men why they are SINGLE? Why are they afraid to committ? I mean that seems to be the biggest reason I have found as to why men are SINGLE.  Or maybe it just all boils back down to they haven't found the right one either. 
Maybe its just me but I don't feel bad being a SINGLE woman.  I enjoy the SINGLE life.  There are times of course when I may "wish" to have a boyfriend or even husband and then I hear some of the troubles my married, engaged, comitted friends go through and I'm glad all over to be SINGLE.  So the next time I hear the song calling all the SINGLE ladies out.  I'm just going to smile and proudly put my hand up.  I'm living the SINGLE life waiting patiently for the right one to come along. 

Second Chance Dating

Now I'm not big on second chances especially when it comes to dating but time can change that. I posted about a year ago about a not so great date I had with a guy. And most recently he hit me up out of the blue and we went out on a 2nd date. Now mind you a whole year plus has passed since our first date but we both concluded at the end of the second date that this time around was much better.

There could be a few things to lead this. One we were both open and willing to try again. We both were a lot more relaxed and a lot more talkative. And I have to say that I am kind of digging this cat. He doesn't seem like the Jerk I had initially wrote him off to be. Initially when he asked to take me out again I was cut off guard and I flat out asked him why? His answer was because he was still interested even after all of this time. So of course he flipped the question on me. My answer was I was just curious to see if this time would be any better. And at the end of the day I'm glad I did. Although I made a fool of myself at the date (singing karaoke (very hoarse) at a restaurant), I had fun.

So we now have another date planned and I am looking forward to it. Who says that 1st impressions are lasting impressions?

Natural or Straight Single Girl

So this past weekend I went to see the documentary Good Hair by Chris Rock. For those who don't know what Good Hair is, it's a documentary that shows African American hair care, especially amongst black women. After this seeing this documentary a lot of thoughts ran through my head including the nature of my own hair. Today I was speaking to a co-worker about natural hair vs. straight, relaxed hair. Now what I mean by natural hair is virgin hair or hair that is not chemically altered. Relaxed hair is chemically altered hair that is straightened with a relaxer. Our conversation went into our feelings of having straight hair vs. natural hair and how it affects men.

I will say that I have been on both sides of the fence. And when I had natural hair my confidence level shot down. I no longer felt as pretty or as attractive and mainly because the attraction just was not there from the opposite sex. The men that I was now attracting were neo-soul, Afrocentric men. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing with these men, they just aren't my cup of tea. But even hearing comments from men such as "I'd bet you'd look good if you relaxed your hair." Wait. What?? Are you serious? And so no wonder I had these feelings because you are viewed differently when your hair is natural. It's almost as if you're a different person. But at the end of day it's just hair. And your hair should not define you. Needless to say I did go back to a relaxer. And I must say that it takes a strong individual to be able to maintain a natural state of hair and get past what is the "norm". Especially when there are so many ads, commercials, celebrities who advertise straight, relaxed hair. It becomes a challenge and can be tempting.

Now that my hair is relaxed I do get more attention from men BUT my hair is short. That is another issue because men want women with long, flowing hair even if its not their own. I personally love short hair and men have said "I don't usually date girls with short hair but it looks good on you." Umm okay thanks.

But men why? Why is a woman's hair so important to you? Why would more men be quick to date a female with straight, long flowing hair even if it isn't theirs over a female with short hair or even natural hair. I find it quite interesting. My co-worker who has dreads, recently asked her husband if she had dreads when they met would he have dated her and he simply replied NO. Nuff said.....

Single Lonely Girl

So being a single girl can sometimes be lonely and have you wishing/wanting that special someone in your life. And although I have heard all things such as be patient, it'll come, you'll find the one it just doesn't seem to happen. And trust when I say I am pretty much content as a single girl but some days you just wish/want more. When I say more I mean that one special person that you can share things with, your ups and downs, intimacy and most importantly friendship. Not just any type of friendship. You have friendships with your peers, your family, and your best friends but none of them are the same as having that friendship with a significant other.

Recently someone asked me why was I single? Is it because I'm anti-man? LOL. I actually had to laugh at that and explain why. So then I pose the question to myself. Why am I still single? Am I anti-man? Well to answer that I would give the same answer I gave them. I'm in a relationship with myself. I am busy doings things on my time that I like to do by myself. I basically am doing me. There is no harm in that. I am a full time employee as well as a student by night. Going to school at night is no easy feat and leaves you with no time and trying to catch up on sleep. Therefore my dating life has completely stalled. And I am not currently looking for anyone I am taking it one day at a time and if it happens, it happens. But then there are moments like now where I'm thinking when will I find him? Will it be in the near future? when I least expect it? when I am interested in someone else? I don't know but for now all I can do is patiently wait. I'm sure someone will come around....

Why Do Men Lie???

Why do guys lie? And I'm not saying all guys lie but most do. It just seems to be in their element and the thing about it is they ALWAYS get caught. So why do it? Why can't guys just be straight up? Can't guys just keep it 100%? And the thing about it is even though you can ask a guy to be straight forward with you and no bullshyt they still seem to LIE. And why is that? What is the point of it? What do men get out of lying to a female? Yes I understand that there maybe ulterior motives, usually sex and that maybe one of the reasons to lie. Or you as a male are trying to cover up something, which again if we're going to be straight up then be straight up. Don't be a lil boy about it, be a MAN. That's all we females ask. Own up to it.

I did a Google search and found that men tend to lie more than women. Why is that? Different reasons they found were to get out of a situation, insecurity, or because they just plain feel there's nothing wrong with it, or because they feel a woman is stupid just to name a few.

I think that men do underestimate women and sometimes feel that they are stupid and won't catch on.

So I posed the question to two guy friends about why do men lie? And the answer I got was we just do, or they lie to get away with shyt. My answer is they lie just to be assholes. Point blank.

Actions speak louder than words. You see what happened to Pinocchio's nose.

The Short of it All

My girlfriends have recently been clowning each other on who's the shortest. And guess what I am it. And that's fine because I am a female. But when it comes to men not only does there seem to be a shortage of men, there seems to be a shortage of tall men.

Ladies take a look around the next time you are at the club, at a restaurant or wherever. You will notice that most of the men are about 5'8 and under. And I know what you're thinking you're short (meaning me) so how can you call someone else short? Easy. I certainly can tell the difference between a tall person and short person, even with me being short. And its funny to me because when I was in high school a lot of the guys were 6'0 ft or so. Now not so much. What has happened?

Where have all the tall men gone? And because I'm short the shorties tend to flock to me. Umm sorry I don't want to reproduce some other lil shorties. Lol. It's okay if they are female but since there are no guarantees then scratch that. I have to think about my future here and my kids as well. I just don't get it though. Most rappers are short, actually most celeb men are short and much shorter in person that they appear on TV.

What happened to the days of tall men? Tall men like Michael Jordan. Snoop Dogg. Will Smith. Not that any of these men tickle my fancy but I'm trying to make a point here. Seriously when you go to the club the tall guys now stand out because everyone else is around the same height. It's sad I know but true.

What can be done? I've come up with some solutions-one being you could rock some lil high heeled booties like my man Prince (he's a hot shorty). Or you could stop wearing skinny jeans that make you look like you're a 10 year old. You're already short please don't make it worse wearing 2T sized clothing. You could hang with a bunch of other shorties and make sure you are the tallest to appear tall (at least taller). Lol.

Anyway I'm done carrying on about the short people since I am one myself. However just like there are different "standards" for males and females this is one of them. Can't we just get some tall men back? Drink more milk. And please don't take offense to this men or women I'm just trying to make short of the situtation. lol.