Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Natural or Straight Single Girl

So this past weekend I went to see the documentary Good Hair by Chris Rock. For those who don't know what Good Hair is, it's a documentary that shows African American hair care, especially amongst black women. After this seeing this documentary a lot of thoughts ran through my head including the nature of my own hair. Today I was speaking to a co-worker about natural hair vs. straight, relaxed hair. Now what I mean by natural hair is virgin hair or hair that is not chemically altered. Relaxed hair is chemically altered hair that is straightened with a relaxer. Our conversation went into our feelings of having straight hair vs. natural hair and how it affects men.

I will say that I have been on both sides of the fence. And when I had natural hair my confidence level shot down. I no longer felt as pretty or as attractive and mainly because the attraction just was not there from the opposite sex. The men that I was now attracting were neo-soul, Afrocentric men. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing with these men, they just aren't my cup of tea. But even hearing comments from men such as "I'd bet you'd look good if you relaxed your hair." Wait. What?? Are you serious? And so no wonder I had these feelings because you are viewed differently when your hair is natural. It's almost as if you're a different person. But at the end of day it's just hair. And your hair should not define you. Needless to say I did go back to a relaxer. And I must say that it takes a strong individual to be able to maintain a natural state of hair and get past what is the "norm". Especially when there are so many ads, commercials, celebrities who advertise straight, relaxed hair. It becomes a challenge and can be tempting.

Now that my hair is relaxed I do get more attention from men BUT my hair is short. That is another issue because men want women with long, flowing hair even if its not their own. I personally love short hair and men have said "I don't usually date girls with short hair but it looks good on you." Umm okay thanks.
But men why? Why is a woman's hair so important to you? Why would more men be quick to date a female with straight, long flowing hair even if it isn't theirs over a female with short hair or even natural hair. I find it quite interesting. My co-worker who has dreads, recently asked her husband if she had dreads when they met would he have dated her and he simply replied NO. Nuff said.....


Anonymous said...

KUDOS ....good read....its sad that hair has such an impact on society...but i say you are who you are whether natural or realxed be you and be happy with who you are!!!

Blaque Diamond said...


I think this movie was right on time to let people know that hair is hair and how you choose to up kept your hair is your business all that matters is what's underneath that head of hair...YOUR BRAIN!

You have seen my hair and know that most of the time I wear it in a ponytail unless I'm going out. But here is what I hate, I hate the fact that people say I have "GOOD HAIR" because I'm not sure what's "GOOD HAIR" I didn't know it could be bad. I mean for real it's wavy, curly and straight when I want it to be, but no one sees the work that it takes to maintain a healthy head of hair. No one sees me sitting under the dryer every week or every other week deep conditioning my hair, no one sees me trying to comb through it before it dries into a curly bush, no sees the struggle of trying to live in a society where people are so hung up on images that you almost get lost trying to keep up with the next person, and most importantly one knows how it feels to have people walk up to you and ask your nationality because they don't know their history or the genetic makeup of how things work and just can't believe that you are 100% black.

As for the men, in my opinion, they will never be happy with our hair, dress, or even personality because they are aiming for imperfection; and by that I mean they are aiming for what they see in the magazines, on the videos, and what people tell them we should be and we turn around and cater to those very thoughts and images. We press our hair, we chemically relax our hair, we buy weaves down to our butt, or we go out and spend an obscene amount of money to find the right products that will make us "beautiful" in their eyes and other women eyes because we internally hate one another.

Now don't jump on me because I don't think all men and women hate us or want us to strive for that "perfect" image but the vast majority does and unfortunately it doesn't stop with hair.


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